Why the Bears Suck and Will (Might) Lose to the Seahags

I hate the fucking Bears. It is not unreasonable for me to feel this way, after all I am a Vikings fan. Yet, I don't hate the Packers with as much passion as I hate the Bears. Seriously, they are the most undeserving team to have a first round bye in the playoffs, ever... EVER. Don't get me wrong. My hatred is not without cause. I will admit that I am discriminant in my feelings toward this putrid team. But, I contend that I am justified in my discrimination. Read on and I will try to make my case.

The Fans

"Gahhhhhh! We won the Super Bowl in 1985. We are better than your team because you have never won a Super Bowl. Ditka was the best coach in the history of the universe ever. Da Bears are the best team to ever grace the gridiron. Every year we will be contenders because da coach, Ditka, has laid the ground work that guarantees we will be there at the end forever! Gahhhhh! Recognize and bow to our dominance! Gahhhhh! Deep dish pizza dominates all other pies, just like da Bears. Everybody else in the NFL is a regular pie, we are deep dish, product of Chicago! Harumph! Harumph! Michael Jordan! Gahhhhhh! Jim McMahon! Gahhhhh! Walter Payton! William "Da Refrigerator" Perry! Da Coach! The greatest ever! Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Just. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. 1985 was... wait for it... 25 years ago. Do you know how many teams have been to the Super bowl since 1985? The Bears were there once, against the Colts, 2006 season. Guess what happened! Da Bears fucking lost 29-17. Whoo! The love that fans of da Bears show for Ditka is laughable. Granted he won ONE Super Bowl. How did da Bears fair after that? What did Ditka do in New Orleans? Really, what has he done since that day in January, 1986? He is an analyst. That is what happens to coaches when they are no longer wanted. Matt Millen is also an analyst. How was his career as a GM for the Lions? He drove them into the ground. It will (has) take(n) years for that franchise to be rebuilt. He is no longer a GM. He fucking sucked in that capacity. That is why he is now an analyst. Mike Ditka? Analyst. One could make a case against this argument by pointing out that John Gruden, Bill Cowher, and Tony Dungy are also analysts. The difference between those three and Ditka is that Gruden, Cowher, and Dungy are in demand, hot commodities so to speak, Ditka is not. He sucks.

I will throw Chicago a bone though. Walter Payton and MJ. Can't go wrong there. Two of the best to ever play their respective games. However, McMahon sucked donkey dick. I watched him when he played for the Vikes for a couple of years. I witnessed his douchetasticness. He was a game manager at the best. He couldn't even carry Favre's jock and some are aware of my feelings about Favre. The Frig was such a huge pile of shit that an average size skidloader couldn't handle him. He played in an era where an average defensive lineman would weigh under 300 lbs. The Frig was about 485 at his thinnest (after his toilet-clogging morning dump). "Give it to the Frig at the goal line - genius!" Bullshit, there is no genius in that, that is common god-damn sense. One yard. 485 lbs. Momentum. Anyone see the genius?

Give me thin crust. I want a fucking pizza, not doughy bread with tomato sauce scattered across it. Fuck that pie.



Current Team

QB
Jay Cutler cries after sex. Seriously, take a look at that tool. He appears to be on the verge of tears every time the TV camera pans to him. He has had a respectable year, much to my chagrin, but that has not been the case over his career. I fully expect him to revert this weekend. If they somehow manage to beat the Seahawks they will have their asses handed to them in the Championship game, whether it be the Falcons or the Pack.



RB
Matt Forte and Chester Taylor. Forte is overrated. Taylor is good but is not used properly. Brad Childress and Darrell Bevel used Chester properly. If they can do it, how come an offensive "genius" like Mike Martz cannot. Seriously, Taylor is better than Forte, and they both pale when compared to Adrian Peterson. "But Adrian is not running in the playoffs." I know that, fuckstick. Let's do a comparison with the top running backs from the NFC playoff teams then.
Marshawn Lynch > Forte
Micheal Turner >>> Forte
Even James Starks > Forte

WR
The Bears have no recievers. They have track stars that couldn't catch a cold. It's a recieving corps that resembles a posse of Wes Welkers. Only Wes actually recieves (hence the name reciever) the ball. Their tight ends are decent, but Martz doesn't know how to use them.

OL
Nine sacks given up to the Giants in the first half alone. Enough said.

Defense
Briggs and Urlacher are dinosaurs. Mere shadows of what they were. If someone gets a helmet on Urlacher forget about it, he is done for the play. Dude couldn't shed a flannel. Briggs sucks because he can't stay on the field. He has just turned into a pussy. Da Bears do have a defensive bright-spot in Peppers. He is unstoppable. Unfortunately for the Bears, there are 10 other, mediocre at best, players on that defense.

Special Teams
Devin Hester. Devin Hester. Devin Hester. He can't play wide receiver but the boy can sure field punts and kicks. I have no slam for the Bears special teams. That unit is responsible for more of their wins in the past five years than their offense and defense combined. Maybe that is so much of the reason that I hate those anal warts. The offense is so miserable that it has to rely on the special teams unit to win the game for them. Special teams are on the field for about 2 minutes each game. It's pathetic for that unit to have to carry the rest of the team.

Fucking Conclusion

I hate the fucking Bears. If a ball is fumbled, it lands in the hands of a Bears player. If a ball is tipped, it lands in the hands of a Bears player. If a call is questionable, the fucking refs will rule in favor of those god-damned-taint-licking Bears, even after video review shows otherwise. Luck is on their side because there is no other way this miserable team gets a first round bye in the playoffs. Fans of the Bears freebase methamphetamine. I really hate the fucking Bears. Go Seahawks.

Updated 1/16/11 3:20 pm.

Okay, I'm an idiot. But, I still hate the Bears.

Crap, the Vikings suck.

Guess what? The Vikings suck. Specifically, Favre blows, and I am pissed. One week (last week) the guy makes throws that make me question why any team would not jump at the opportunity to have him as their QB. Then he has a game like today. Four turnovers... spectacular play Bert! The Vikings should have made a stipulation in the contract that Bert play every other game.

How funny would it have been if Favre never came back and Jackson has the same numbers as Favre? Imagine the disgust from the fans. Yet, Favre gets a pass, it all falls on Chilly's shoulders. It's like salt on a wound as wide as the Grand Mother-Fucking Canyon. Favre will NEVER get it done for this team. I'm not saying that Jackson would, but he couldn't have played worse.

Fire Childress (because Favre sucks). There is no longer hope for this season and it is time to let Leslie Frazier build his own team. I didn't think it mattered until today. Childress cannot motivate a team without Favre shining like a 100 watt fucking bulb. I don't know if Childress has lost the locker room, and frankly it doesn't matter. There needs to be a change. I, personally, would start at QB. FUCK, FAVRE!

I against I:



The Bears fucking suck. I have no other way of putting it. Problem is, the Vikings sucked worse today, this is inexcusable. Favre was horrible and the defense can't pressure and cover. This is totally a formula for disaster. Lovie (seriously, the guy's name is Lovie) Smith out-coached Brad Childress. If there has ever been a reason to fire a head coach all one has to do is point to that stat. IT'S JUSTIFIED CAUSE. I don't care if the players hate him, the staff hates him, the ownership hates him; if you are out-fucking-coached by Lovie (again, that is his name) Smith you deserved to be fired.

Defense sucked, Favre has sucked all season, it's time to change it up. Too little, too late, as the case may be. Regardless, Bench Favre, Fire Childress, Start over. Fuck and fuck, I have wasted so much breath defending Chilly. I am band-wagoning people. I don't care about the Moss fiasco, I don't care about locker room controversy, and I don't care who likes or dislikes Childress. I care about the now. It is apparent he is not ready for the now. If only I called the shots........... Bye Bald Bird. Hello????????????????? Cowher, Gruden, Billick, Frazier. I have no preference. Could it get worse?

On a positive note, the less I care about the Vikings means the more time I am willing to be with my family. Come on, Vikings!

Will the Tides Turn?

The Vikings won last Sunday in spectacular fashion. For most of the game, I thought for sure that they would lose, Childress would be fired, and this week would be another circus around Winter Park. Alas, they came through! The last 4 minutes of that game was amazing. The offense finally got the ball in the end-zone, though they had their way in yardage all day. Jared Allen and the rest of the D-line finally found their game and harassed the shit out of Derek Anderson. It was the Cardinals, but a win is a win is a win.

A song for after a win:



Do the players "hate" Childress?

Media compilation over the last 2 weeks would indicate so. However, there was no Cowboy laying down with the Vikes. A week ago today, Harvin reportedly had a blow-out with Childress. He had the best game of his career (receiving wise). A defense that had been dormant for a couple of weeks woke the fuck up. Jared Allen and Pat "Mother-fucking, speak-how-the-fuck-it-is" Williams calls out the guys who supposedly spoke with Sean Jensen (former beat-writer for the Pioneer-Press) of the Chicago Sun-Times. Said Pat:

“He ain't going to put no names out there, so I don't know if it's true or not,” Williams continued. “That's like somebody saying I'm gay, but they don't have to tell me who said it. I don't know. But they're going to believe it. They’re going to believe it. If somebody starts that rumor, they're going to believe it. So that's how it is. That's all rumors. They’re not going to tell me who said it, so I don't know."

Classic Pat.

The turning?

This is a big game against the Bears. Sidney Rice may be back... find out tomorrow by 3:00. Harvin had another migraine this week (questionable), that said he has only missed one game in his career because of this. Berrian found some form last week, hopefully it carries. Defense should show some confidence.

Vikings 31, Bears 17.

Pregame:

Election Day!

I think that it is hilarious that people actually think that things will change after this election. Didn't people think the same after Obama was elected? Some would argue that things did change because our country increased debt, and did not balance the budget, and signed into law a bill written by CONGRESS that provides health care to all citizens. Reality is nothing has changed.

Did Dubba increase our national debt? I would think that engaging in two wars (one that we are still fighting) would take a lot of money. Am I right? Oh fuck, I am? Holy shit, who would know? I mean, I thought that I was asking a rhetorical question. You mean to say that I was spot on?

Who was the last president who had a PART in a balanced budget? Clinton, you say? How could that be possible, he is a bleeding-heart-saxophone-playing-pot-smoking-blowjob-under-the-desk-know-nothing? Truth told, he did it, and decreased our debt while it happened. How could that have happened? I thought that the Tea-Party, and those that align themselves with the ultra-conservatives, were the only ones who knew how to do that.

As far as healthcare... How can anyone deny that service to the populous? I believe, as others do as well, that a healthy and educated society paves the way for a productive society.

This entire election is about demanding change. There will be no change. The only way that change will come is through two methods... campaign finance reform (actual reform, not rhetoric). And term limits... if you want change, you need to eliminate the power of those who make a life from politics. These options will not happen.

Vote for who you want, it really doesn't matter, nothing will change.

Vote again in two years and you will have the same result.

Nothing is going to change - if it does, chances are it will be for the worst. Only 0.5% will benefit.

Here we are, in a cluster-fuck of a society, trust me, you will see no improvement.

I know that this blog is negative (along with most of my blogs), but negativity is the mindset of us. The future appears bleak. We are a society dominated by self-serving assholes!

That said, I could be standing in front of a firing line because of this, in another country. I'm privileged to be an American. That privilege gives me the right to bitch.

By the way, I voted.

Fun While it Lasted????

Just when one thinks that things cannot get any fucking worse for the team in the purple and gold, just when you think that the media shit-storm of this season will eventually reside, along comes the comments from Moss following the Patriots game and the decision by Childress to cut his whiny ass. That's right, Moss played a total of four games with Minnesota and the Norse Warriors only had to give up a third round pick for 13 receptions, 174 yards and 2 touchdowns! What a bargain, Walmart can't even match that shit!

Where to begin?



About 2:00 this afternoon my boss' son (Vikings fan) comes into the office and says, "Did you hear the news about Moss?" I say, "Yeah, Childress allowed him to stay in the New England area to catch up with family and he will be with the team on Wednesday when the Vikings resume practice." He responds by directing me to the Minneapolis Star-Tribune's Vikings webpage. Who am I to argue? I go and low and behold there was a posting saying that Randy Moss pissed off Childress and is gone. My jaw hit the floor and I now have more stitches in my fucking chin than Favre does.

I immediately go to the flagship station of your Minnesota Vikings, KFAN, and proceed to listen to commentary the rest of the afternoon. Let's just say that in this day of on-the-spot-inaccurate-web-reporting there were plenty of contradicting reports. Jay Glazer of Fox Sports reports that the players are pissed. Chris Mortensen of ESPN reports that Childress made the decision on his own without consulting the top brass. Paul Allen (Vikings radio play-by-play guy) comments that some in the organization view this as a positive. Enough of the history of this whole fucking mess. If you want it go here and here. The vikings have officially posted a statement from Childress tonight confirming that Moss will be subject to waivers starting tomorrow. My thoughts (as uneducated as they may be):

1. Goodbye Randy! Constant locker room cancer and perpetual fucking whiner. I'm pretty sure that Berrian or Camarillo or Lewis could have matched Moss' brilliant fucking production.

2. Way to go, Chilly! Way to fuck the team out of a third round pick next year. Talk about no plan for the future. This is an aging team that will begin rebuilding after this year. God-damned bald-headed chimp!

3. Take control, Management. If Childress loses the locker room over this and the Vikings don't show on-the-field improvement, they need to can his ass. On-the-field improvement needs to begin on Sunday at 12:00 pm CST. Otherwise he should be packing his bags Monday morning.

4. The Vikings really do put the "fun" in dysfunctional. On the bright side, I could have ended up being a fan of the Cowboyz. Cue Benny Hill.

Not on Favre

Patriots 28, Vikings 18.

This one is not on Favre. This one is on the defense. The fuckin' Pats have had the Vikes number the past couple of times they have played each other. It is pathetic to watch. BenJarvus Green-Ellis, are you fucking kidding me... against a top fifteen defense, the one that led the NFL in rush defense 2 out of the last 3 seasons, only to finish second in that category the year they did not lead. I can't pin the blame on Favre, that pisses me off as well. It is a lot easier to pin a loss on one player than an entire defense. I hate to say it but this one is on the D.

That and the Patriots maybe the most lucky bitches in the NFL and the Vikings might be the most unlucky. Madieu Williams almost makes an interception in the first half. Unfortunately, the ball goes right through his hands and into the arms of a Patriots receiver. He catches it, the drive stays alive and the Patriots score. Percy Harvin bobbles a Favre pass while going to the ground, who catches it? Devon Fucking McCourty, that's who the fuck who. The worst play of all - Tom Brady drops back to pass, builds a playground for children, delivers water to children in Africa, ends world hunger, and still has time to find a wide open Brandon Tate. Who is Brandon Tate you ask - he is the fuck-stick who scored a 65 yard touchdown against the Vikings today! Fucking no-names and their spectacular plays. Leave it to the Patriots and their shit-eating-grin coach Bellichick.

Song of hatred:



Maybe Bill sweatshirt-wearing-robot-personality-jackass Belichick is really the most brilliant fucking mind to ever coach the game. The Vikings defense certainly had no say in how the game was dictated. Fuck! Danny Woodhead? Who the fuck is he? He was somebody today. You will never hear from him again. Do you know why? Because he sucks. Only the Vikings let him shine like the aurora fucking borealis.

I said to my wife before the game that 3-4 is soooo much better the 2-5. But here we are, 2-5. This season is inching toward done, and I am inching toward depression. What the hell am I to do after the Vikings leave Minnesota? Can anyone say College Football. That is right, the Vikings leave and I am done. This is not a threat, I have no power to threaten. This season may be the last season that I care about the Vikings. I'm 37 years old and I am sick of letting a team dictate how the fuck I feel every week of the season. Maybe this is over-the-top (Sly Stone reference welcome), but I am sick of feeling out of sorts after a Vikings loss. It is all too common lately.

Song of deference:



As for Favre, 10 stitches in his chin, big deal, he will be out there again next week when the Vikings host the Cardinals. He will probably play well, but Derek Anderson will probably find a way to slice the Vikings defense with a ginsu fucking knife if they don't play better than today.

I don't think that there has ever been a more talented team on a NFL playing field than the Vikings. I also don't think that they will ever be able to put together a complete game. This will lead to their demise. I really am questioning the path the Vikings have chosen this year. It all starts with the decision to go into training camp with question marks at QB, the reasoning behind sending three vets to Mississippi, and the suspect play calling throughout the year. I have supported Childress since he got the job at Winter Park, but that support is waning.

9 more weeks to the season, shit better start rolling!

Michigan State University @ The University of Iowa

2:30 pm CST

Kinnick Stadium, Iowa City, Ia.

The story of the Hawkeyes two losses:
Arizona loss - special teams.
Wisconsin loss - clock management.

The Hawkeyes shore up these two issues, they handle the Spartans. Michigan State is overfuckingrated. One week they look good, but then it takes them overtime to beat the O'Malleys. And they just suck.

Pregame jam: